Ashes to Ashes
by wil-spike-bloodyhell
Summary: Set after Angel's Finale. Angel's made his I'm going down with the Titanic message and Faith feels compelled to answer. Dealing with the immediate aftermath of Not Fade Away. Please Read and Review. Chapter 7 What Love Is now up. Prod and I write!
1. Chapter 1

**Ashes to Ashes Chapter 1—A Fitting Place**

Usually the smog in LA was stifling, but today there was more than pollution that coated the air and stifled the lungs. Today there was smoke and dust from utter destruction. These weren't the effects of the Santa Ana winds picking up, or the dry brush of the Simi Valley hills, it was from the remains of the Wolfram and Hart offices and a major part of the city. Faith stood amongst the destruction watching Connor dig.

"Angel?" he cried out hoarse after hours of searching the thin boy's fingers where raw and blistered from pawing through the wreckage. "Dad? Where are you!"

Faith didn't have in her heart to tell him they probably wouldn't find him, and if they did, they more than likely wouldn't be able to tell his dusty remains from that of the building whose tenants never thought to clean. Her boots slowly maneuvered over the debris that littered the streets.

"Faith, we found something!" Vi called from somewhere behind her. A downy red head poked out of a building's doorway and waved her closer.

Snapping from her reverie she looked back, Faith's brow furrowing as she took charge of her emotions and nodded jogging over to the other slayer who was in the mouth of a doorway, Connor at her heels, "Yeah what's—Wes…"

As Vi and Jen lead her in then stepped aside and Faith had a full view of Wesley Windham-Pryce splayed dead on the marble floor. A decrepit maroon-ish demon with a shattered head defeated and equally dead across from him against the wall.

"Damn Wes, look at the mess you made," she said giving a glance around as she knelt beside him and picked up his glasses which had fallen to the floor and gently slipped them into one of his pockets. "See you decided to take a few lessons from me, huh? Guess kamikaze tactics work after all."

"I can still hear him in my head even though he's been gone for almost two days now." The small lilting voice came from a door near the hall. Faith looked up to see Fred standing there wringing her hands in uncertainty.

She met her eyes for a moment, "You're okay. I mean, you look--"

Fred only nodded moving to kneel beside Faith.

Conner frowned still peering at the body, "Two days, and he doesn't smell?"

"Magicks," Fred answered tilting her head as she reached out and stroked Wesley's cheek tears in her eyes, "they're preserving him. I couldn't let him just—just rot away."

Faith was quiet for a moment a pull tugged at her chest a feeling of loss and regret filling her. _They shouldn't be dead, they're the good guys. None of them should be dead._ That's when Conner's steady stare and voice pulled her back again, "Faith, that's not Fred."

"I know. It's just easier this way," She said with a shrug as she got up without batting and eye turned back to the smaller woman, "Why'd you preserve him?"

Fred's head turned and cocked almost mechanically and a much colder more precise regal voice came from her lips, "Would you rather I'd let his form whither and stink?"

"My nose is saying no," her face twisted at the thought of inhaling that kind of decay, "It's just that you could have buried him."

"In the rubble outside? That's not a fitting place for a fallen hero. You are still searching vainly for your fallen there. You will not find Angel among them." Illyria looked at Conner, "He still lives."

"Are we playin' the cryptic card? Cuz let me tell you how bad I am at that game. Are you telling us he's really still alive, or that he lives on because Conner here does? Cuz the last one is the crypto one."

"He still walks among the living."

"Well good, then you can go home, Conner, and wait for him there. Vi, call up Giles and let him know we found Wes and… the thing living in Fred. We'll need a memorial and let B know Angel's still waiting for cookie batter or whatever."

She turned back to Illyria again, "Gunn… where's Gunn and Mr. Green Jeans?"

"Among the destruction outside, he is dead, fallen where Conner was birth-ed." She said solemnly then added, "The green one has gone, I don't know where, while the blonde one walks."

"Yeah Buffy's fine, sure," Faith answered giving Illyria an odd look. "She's all about walkin' around."


	2. Chapter 2

Ashes to Ashes Chapter 2 -- When in Rome

"I don't care he's fraternizing with the enemy!" Buffy exclaimed slamming her palms down on the little café table as she stood up.

Faith still sat lounging in the wire chair, slumped down her arms folded as she snapped back, "He's _fighting_ them!"

"You don't see it at all, do you Faith? He runs an evil law firm. There's something profusely wrong with that."

"He's going four on a few hundred-thousand. Those are losing odds in any battle," Faith ran a hand through her hair then leaned forward staring Buffy straight in the eye, "Angel wouldn't leave us a sinking message like that if he didn't intend to go down and not come back." She let out a regretful sigh and finally stood up pushing her chair in, "Someone should be there. You should be there."

It was Buffy who looked away staring down at her biscotti that still lay so pretty on a little glass plate and doily. Finally she shook her head and whispered, "I don't know who Angel is anymore…"

"He's who he's always been, B," Faith said looking at her as if Buffy had just told her that a squirrel had been just declared the new Pope. She stood her ground and shook her head, Faith's eyes still fixed on the blonde, "Maybe it's just you who's changed."

Faith turned to leave when Buffy's answer forced her to stop.

"Maybe I have. Maybe I've finally grown-up and realized the lives of our entire line are in my hands. If you want to run back to LA and play the hot shot, go a head. Angel's not thinking straight, he already gotten Cordelia killed--"

Faith turned and raised a brow, "Yeah and she was your most favorite person ever."

"She was important! What I'm saying is: whose next?"

"If you're lucky, it'll be me," she muttered.

Buffy stood up still trying to reason with her, "Faith, we fight for the good guys."

"And he helps the helpless," She countered, "or don't you remember?"

"When did the helpless become rich executives?"

"You know that's not true. He saved my life, even when I asked him to take it!" Faith fumed her chest heaving in a deep breath, "I was one of the helpless, now it's my turn to give something back."

"Sure he helped you," Buffy conceded only to make her own point, "but you're one saved in a line of dead bodies and horrible casualties."

"Casualties? You wanna talk casualties, huh? How about remembering that Harris only has one eye now? Or Anya being sliced in two? Do you remember Molly, Amanda, and a slew of other's killed? And oh yeah, you sent Spike to his death when Angel was up to bat—"

Buffy slapped Faith, "Don't you _dare!_"

Putting her hand to her cheek Faith laughed, "Don't I always?"

"You're not being fair. I cared about Spike… "Buffy whispered her voice catching before she continued, "…and I was saving the world!"

"He was saving the world. You knew what would happen and you set him up," she said with disgust. "That's right stupid Faith figured it out. You were just saving your non-boyfriend, and you wanna talk about fair?"

Faith straightened her jacket and backed away from Buffy, "I'm going… and I'm taking whoever wants to go with. Conner's probably a mess, and he shouldn't deal alone."

"Do what you want, just keep me posted," Buffy said flippantly not bothering to venture a look at the other girl.

Faith could still see the barely contained rage that she just seemed to bring out of her. It had to be a gift, or the fact that she was calling B on her crap. Either way Faith nodded and cast a casual wave over her shoulder as she headed out into the strata, "Sure Boss, cuz you're first on my list."


	3. Chapter 3

Ashes to Ashes Chapter 3—Definitions

Faith walked slowly as she made her way in the direction of the former Caritas. Scorch marks marred whatever walls weren't in ruins as if a fireball had hit them. She didn't doubt that's exactly what it was that'd hit the brick of the little taco stand that was still barely erect. The sun had fully set about fifteen minutes ago and the last rays of sunlight looked rust-colored against the dark of the dusty skyline.

Turning the corner she saw a leather clad figure crouched and looking down at the mess in the alley. She peered at the rooftop making out broad shoulders and hair that looked like it could be spiked up. Relief flooded through her as she picked up her pace, "Angel!"

The figure dropped to the alley but didn't answer. As she got closer she realized the figure was too slight to be Angel. She stopped and narrowed her eyes looking into the darkness, "Okay who the hell do you think you---"

"Guess I owe Angel a pint." Spike said a smirk just tugging at the edge of his bloodied and swollen lip. "'Ello, Faith."

She took a step back warily and whispered to herself, "Owe him?"

"Yeh, jus' before everythin' that happened, I bet 'im no one from your lil' camp would show."

"Smog must be in my eyes, all this dust looks like it's playing tricks with the light." Faith turned around and started walking in the other direction before she started shifting some of the debris.

"I was talking to you, Faith," Spike said in annoyance.

She didn't answer as she hefted a cinderblock and threw it aside. Spike came up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She jumped tearing herself away from his touch and glared at him, "Don't do that!"

"You weren't answering me," he held his hands up in mock surrender, "Didn' realize you had a problem bein' touched."

"I do when they're ghost-whatever it is you are," She snapped back then stood up and dusted off her corduroy jacket, "And I don't talk to figments of my imagination… makes me look crazy all over again."

"I'm not a ghost or figment so seems you're in the land of the sane. I'm really 'ere, and just a note?" he said gesturing with his chin, "You won't find Charlie-boy under those bricks. He's been taken care of."

Faith only glared, "There's no care to have, brain trust. He's dead."

"I know," Spike spat back, "I wuz there. And whut was left behind's been taken care of."

"Wanna clarify with a definition?"

"Yeh, called up Anne---figured she should know whut went down."

"Anne?" the caution crept back into Faith's voice.

"Friend of his, runs a local shelter, th' East Hill Teen Centre?"

"Okay, so it sounds like Gunn's thing," Faith's stance relaxed and her voice softened, as she stepped away from the rubble. "Good, I'm glad he hasn't been buried under all this crap."

"Like I was?"

She looked up at Spike fully for the first time since she'd realized it was him and met his eyes. There was sorrow and regret there, but it was covered up an instant later with that haunting resolve, "… more or less. So, thought you were dust."

Spike shrugged and smirked, "I got better."

"I can see that. I guess that's what what's-her-Fred meant by the 'blonde one still walks.' And here I thought she was askin' about Buffy." She chuckled and shook her head then dug into her back pocket producing her cell phone and held it out to him, "Go on, give her a call. She's number two in the phonebook."

He stood looking at the phone longingly then put up a hand, "Thanks, but no. Better she not know all that. Only complicates things."

"Back from the dead? Pft, I think she can handle that— you _do_ remember she did that coming back thing too, right?"

"I remember."

"So?"

Spike ran a hand through the tangle of curls on his head and decidedly changed the subject, "Angel's fine, no need to fret. He's already brooding and probably off findin' Junior as we speak."

Faith nodded, "Figured that."

"That answer all your questions, then?" he asked noticing her stare didn't waver from him as she leaned against the ladder of the fire escape.

She pulled her hands up into the sleeves of her coat and drew them around herself, "Almost, got one more up my sleeve."

Spike only tilted his head curiously and waited. It was a few moments before Faith spoke again.

"How can you still love her?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4—Sense in Sacrafice**

"I dream about it sometimes," Buffy said to Willow and Dawn as they sat in front of the Trevi Fountain. She looked up at the cool chiseled marble remembering how they reminded her of how Spike's skin felt, "I can still feel hi-- how the flames that licked at our hands as everything started to come down."

Willow pulled her brown crocheted sweater around her a little tighter and followed the blonde's gaze to the statues, "Buffy, he volunteered for it. You never made him stay."

"He knew, though…" she sighed, "He knew the truth."

"You mean, he knew what he was giving up for the world?" Willow asked putting a hand on Buffy's knee, "I'm sure he did."

Buffy shook her head, "No. That's just it; this is Spike we're talking about. He didn't care about the world, really. He was way too into his own agenda for that. He cared about me. I know he did it for me."

Dawn played with the spoon in her cup of gelato. She'd been silent just listening to the other two until now. Staring into the dessert she shrugged, "But it wasn't like he'd hoped."

Buffy looked up surprised by Dawn's comment, her brow furrowing a bit, "What do you mean?"

"He loved you," she said putting down her cup, "that was no big secret to anyone who saw the way he looked at you. He would've begged for snausages if you offered them, and he figured this was the ultimate trick to win your love. He pulled a Romeo and died for you."

Buffy looked at her sister wounded, "I _didn't_ trick him."

"Analogy time here Buff. I'm not saying you did. But then you can't argue with a guy who died and saved the world. You can't change a shiny memory that includes a huge noble and selfless act. No one can own up to that... You'll always miss him and love him for that one moment and no one will replace that, no one can replace him or beat him in that." Dawn said earnestly then she shrunk a little in her stature and mumbled, "I remember what it was like when you died. That's sort of what it felt like."

"Oh Dawnie…" Buffy slid her arms around Dawn and hugged her close tears stinging and threatening to spill over.

"She's got a good point," Willow mused. "Looking back, we knew you'd sacrificed everything for us, and no one would ever replace you in our hearts. Even if we… I hadn't brought you back. When you think about it he gave you his life, which Angel never gave selflessly."

"But he was going to." Buffy defended, stroking Dawn's hair back as she let her sister go.

"But you didn't let him." Willow stood her ground. "You loved him differently. You would've died inside if Angel gave him-self up, so you had someone you could let go do it. There's nothing wrong with letting someone go."

"I didn't help him either." Buffy closed her eyes and glanced back up at the fountain.

"He didn't ask you for help." Dawn said pointedly. "Is this because of what Faith said before she left?"

"Part of it, but I've been thinking more about it since Faith called. I mean they're all gone now—even though Angel survived, everyone else is just… gone. And it makes me start to wonder if it's worth everything we're doing to lose everyone around us."

"Sure it is, because there are so many people in the world to save." Xander said coming up behind them with a paper sack in his arms. "They didn't die sense-less deaths, they died so millions could live in a world like this. It was a high price but I mean, c'mon, look at what we got."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5—Soul Searching**

Angel stepped into the cafeteria moving toward the dark head bowed over a book. There were papers both fresh and crumpled scattered around Conner. He didn't even look up from the book as he asked, "So you're all in once piece and everything?"

He stopped and fidgeted, "Yeah, more or less… I didn't mean to make you worry."

"Sure you did." Conner put the book down and closed it to look up at his father. He treated it like this was just another everyday occurrence. "It's like a lesson parents have to give their kids, y'know so we don't stay out all night and never call."

"Ah, so my ridiculously dangerous and suicidal plot worked?" He asked taking a seat across from him and letting himself relax somewhat.

"Nah, I'm not calling all next week when I go to that rave I've got planned." Conner flashed a lopsided smile before his eyes grew sincere, "But you're really okay?"

"As okay as I can be. I think I might take a trip for awhile."

Connor raised a curious brow as he reached for his paper Starbucks cup, "Maybe to find Nina?"

Angel thought about it wistfully for a few minutes. The temptation was definitely there, and he did need to apologize for practically shipping her out of the country, but he couldn't. Not before he worked out a few other things. Relationships with women never turned out, and he needed to figure out where he stood now in this world.

Finally he shook his head sadly, "Maybe, in time, but I need some time to think."

"I see," he said tidying up the little table, shoving his book and notes into a satchel, "You need some time to sulk."

"That too… "He let out a mirthless chuckle and sat back regarding his son, "You're too good at this whole knowing me thing now."

"I've been practicing. So go, its okay," He zipped up his back and stood slinging it over his shoulder, "Faith's here, and a few of the slayers are too, so we'll do some clean-up make sure everything that needs it is taken care of. You do what you have to."

"You really have become an amazing young man Conner, you know that?" Angel stood up and held his arms out to encompass Conner hugging him close.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." he muffled in Angel's grasp, "Go on, Dad. We'll hold down the fort."


	6. Chapter 6

**Ashes to Ashes Chapter 6 -- What Love Is**

Spike scratched at the back of his head and sat down on a stray milk crate, obviously considering her question seriously, "How can you jus' stop loving someone?"

"You're asking the wrong person here, yo," Faith said putting up her hands in mock surrender before she slung and arm through the fire escape ladder rung, "All I gotta say is that it happens."

He narrowed his gaze slightly and nodded toward her, "Sounds like experience talking."

"It is what it is. I just don't get how head over heals blinded by Buffy you are, I mean, you still got a mad-on for her. I get the awe that is B, I do…" She pushed her hair back of her eyes and paced, "I even had it for a while myself, but she wears you out, like ground to dust out."

Spike's head cocked to the side curiously, "Are you trying to say you've never been in love?"

Faith shrugged, pointedly not looking up at Spike.

"Never?" he pressed raising a scarred brow.

Her head snapped up and she leaped to scale the fire escape, "What is it with the twenty questions from you all of a sudden?"

"I was just trying to understand so my answer makes sense to you," standing up then climbing after her.

Faith made a face as she reached the metal landing and turned to face Spike as he reached the same level, "Try that again? I'm just hearing clicks and whistles there."

"When you love someone, whether it's romantic or not, they stay with you."

"I know," she answered looking uncomfortable.

"You alright?"

"Peachy with a side of keen, can you just stop with all the questions?"

"Looks like I hit a nerve."

She lunged forward pulling back for a threatening punch, "Looks like I'll hit a face, if you don't shut up."

Spike only opened himself up for her, "Go ahead, hit me, then."

"What the hell is wrong with you? I mean you're like those kids you get off on fighting and pulling hair because you got some stupid crush."

Spike's lip twitched into a small smile, "Whut if I do?"

It took a moment or two for the words to register. Her dark eyes went wide and she dropped her fist and backed up, "Oh, hell, no."

"What d'you mean, 'hell no'!" He growled.

"Just what you think it does. I'm not sharpening that stake. What kind of twisted thing do you get off on thinking you'll be with me, when you wish you were with her?"

"I don't get off on—"

"—Pretty lies. You can say whatever you want now, but you know somewhere deep down it'll always be B you're thinkin' about. You'll never look at me that way, never hold me that way."

"Not true."

"Somewhere you'd be imagining Buffy Summers, and let me tell you how much I _don't_ want to hear you scream out her name when it's my mad skills in the sack that gets you off."

Spike inhaled sharply and patted himself down and put a fresh cigarette to his lips. Flipping open his silver Zippo he sparked the tip taking a deep drag, "I see."

"Do you?"

He shrugged, "Doesn't matter apparently you got your mind made up."

To Be Continued...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 --- Battles in Buff-onia

Xander headed upstairs with a mug of hot tea in his hands, pausing he poked his head into the open door of Buffy's room. The room was dark and Buffy was a little lumpy ball beneath the comforter which covered her face, but the way the sigh escaped her lips, he knew she wasn't a sleep, "Hey there, not so sleepy head, I come bearing tea."

"You're birthing tea babies?" Buffy said trying for humor and failing miserably as she lifted her head from the pillow and sat up. Taking the cup carefully she grinned a little, "Mm, apple spice."

"The spiciest of my babies," Xander perched himself on the edge of her bed.

Buffy took in the scent and warmth of the tea for a moment before she took a sip and looked up, "So what's up in the Xand-land?"

"The wondering of what's going on in Buff-onia. What's with going the heading to bed in the middle of the day only to toss and turn?"

"Worries," she pouted a little bit.

"About?"

Buffy looked down into her tea for a few moment, as if its soothing herbs might suddenly hold the answer she didn't have.

"If you're worried about Faith, you should go."

"I know Faith can take care of herself, it's not that."

"Then go see Angel."

"Did you just tell me to find Angel?"

"If that's what's got you worried, then yeah. I mean you know Angel's not my most favorite person or vampire ever, but you two do have something that can't be touched. Maybe you should go to LA and see him… and while you're at it, apologize to Faith."

"Apologize?"

Xander sat quietly and just looked at his friend, waiting for her to figure it out herself, "She wasn't entirely in the wrong, Buff."

"I know."

"So what's the game plan?" he asked scratching just under his eye patch where the satin rubbed at his cheekbone.

"She wasn't entirely right either."

He raise the brow and smirked, "You just don't want to admit Faith's got a nose for hitting the smart spots."

"Faith just…grr."

"Welcome to my world."

Buffy's eyes widened, "What?"

He cast her an innocent look, "What do you mean what? I was man out numbered by powerful women, and a Giles for so many years. You don't think I'd have my frustrated moments?"

"Sorry, I was thinking something else completely," Buffy broke into a grin and laughed putting her mug on the bedside table, "Okay, okay, I'll go. You up for a visit state side?"


End file.
